SPRINGVILLE, UT - Willard Harris, a 44-year-old hardware-store employee and lifetime member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, stunned international religious leaders Thursday with the announcement that he has stumbled upon conclusive proof of the truth of the Church of Jesus Christ.

According to Harris, on Wednesday night he heard Elder Neal Maxwell speak during a rebroadcast of one of the church's general conferences. At one point during the broadcast, Maxwell claimed to know with certainty that the Church of Jesus Christ is the only true church on the earth. Harris claims that immediately following this statement he began to feel what he describes as "burning in the bosom," or a peaceful feeling of warmth spreading through his chest. According to the church's Doctrine and Covenants, such a feeling comes from the Holy Ghost and is reliable proof that what has been heard is true.

Harris quickly realized the significance of what he had felt and called his home teacher, 50-year-old Earl Mason. Mason's wife, LaDonna, is the local Relief Society president, and with her help the whole congregation was soon buzzing with the news. It was only a matter of time until Harris's story had spread around the world.

Religious leaders everywhere were stunned. Giacomo Padovani, a Catholic priest in Milan, Italy, has informed his parish that he will be stepping down to join the Church of Jesus Christ. "I was very sure the Catholic church was the true church," he stated from his home Thursday evening. "I was priest for twenty-five years, then this! I wish I could reconcile it in my heart, but this evidence, it is too strong. I cannot deny what Mister Harris has seen!" He then traced the sign of the cross on his chest and muttered, "Santa Madonna..." Padovani's plight is made easier by the fact that most of his parishioners will also be baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ.

Indeed, missionaries in Italy and around the globe are suddenly overwhelmed with such requests. Said 19-year-old Jacob Hart of Murray, Utah, "This is totally sweet. These stubborn Italians finally have no way to deny that ours is the true church! No more slammed doors for me!"

Prominent Protestants, Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientologists, and even atheists are having trouble reconciling the discovery with their belief systems and are converting in droves. Former New York City atheist Cindy Hendrix, 27, told reporters, "I was misled by the powers of Satan into disbelieving even the existence of God. I've always been very skeptical, so Mister--I mean, Brother Harris was a godsend! He saved me from the telestial kingdom!" She then pointed to the hole left by her recently removed nose ring.

News of Harris's shocking revelation was not confined to Western society. Hindus, Buddhists, and Muslims are all in awe at the sudden end to millennia-old religious debates. On Friday the Dalai Lama informed a large crowd of loyal followers that he regrets leading them astray for so many years, and he closed his remarks by vowing, "I promise to begin adding the true doctrines of His Holiness the Prophet Joseph Smith to my teachings." He sat down, but then he returned sheepishly to proclaim, "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ are understandably the most joyful at the news, and after a thorough examination of Harris's story they have willingly adopted a somewhat revised version of it into their canon. Asked why God chose to reveal the astonishing proof to a regular church member rather than to him, the Prophet replied simply, "We don't know much about that. The Lord works in mysterious ways."

As for Harris, he's happy and says none of this has gone to his head. Now an international celebrity, he's considering several offers to make a movie and book about his life. He says he feels blessed and is not annoyed by the fact that church leaders have ordered him not to speculate theologically about his discovery. "After all," he states, "they're God's chosen apostles, and I reckon they know what's best for me."